Colorado Changes

 Since moving to Colorado I feel like a lot of me has changed. Maybe it's not so much that I've changed, but that I'm finally allowing myself to be the person I've wanted to be. Moving across the country does that, I guess. Being in a new place brings a fresh start, and that fresh start gives birth to a renewed vigor and hopefulness in what's to come. Comfort and security are good things until they become chains. Chains to a monotonous life, an unhappy life, a life without struggle and growth. 

 Moving back home after living in Arizona was a good thing. Since being home I was able to reconnect with family and establish new relations with them since being saved. I watched my younger brother, Tanner, become a true brother in Christ and was blessed to aid and encourage him as he fought and overcame sin. I watched as his girlfriend (now fiancée), Ali, was also miraculously changed and made alive in Christ. I was blessed to be able to mentor her and watch her grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ and mature in the faith. I was blessed to be able to lead a Bible study through Romans and another through the book, "Don't Waste Your Life," and was humbled to see it grow from six girls to almost twenty. I watched as my grandma's twin sister Mar, and just as much my grandma to me, battled cancer. I saw her come out victorious as I witnessed her faithfulness to God and to Christ until the end. Confident she was welcomed in with, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master's rest." Surely she was an oak of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that He may be glorified as it speaks of in Isaiah 61. He was glorified in her life and her death. I also watched as my grandma selflessly served her unto the end. I saw the trust she had in the sovereignty of God and the hope she had in the Father as the divine Healer, capable of curing all disease. I saw as she mourned the loss of her twin sister and best friend and reminded her that God is still the sovereign Lord of all and that he is still the divine Healer, the mender of broken hearts. 

I saw myself falling into the sins of my past, the sins I struggled with before being saved. How I lost the youthful vigor I had during the first year of being saved and how my love for God dwindled down into a pitiable thing as I grieved the Spirit and let my flesh win many battles. I also was able to understand first hand, and for the first time, the importance of Christian fellowship and community as I confessed my sins to fellow believers and was built up and restored by their prayers, words of encouragement, and counsel. I saw the "exceeding sinfulness of sin" in my own sins and was able to understand the pain and beauty of a broken and contrite heart. 

In retrospect, as I recount these things, I guess I grew more than I thought. It seemed to be a reverse growth though- a growth in humility which reminded me of the worm that I am. Less than the least but saved by the grace of God. But still, I was comfortable and wasn't growing at the rate that I could have been. I wasn't reading, I wasn't studying, I wasn't praying. I was neglecting the means of grace that God provided for growth and increased love and communion with Him. And I'm sure it's not the last time that I will so stupidly do so; however, things are different now that I'm in Colorado. 

The fresh start- the new, clean slate- has revived my spirits. I really felt that it was a miraculous work of God when my hunger for the Word and my thirst for communion with Christ was renewed. I want to know Him more, and not only know Him more but love Him as I ought. My constant prayer is that I would be granted to see Christ more clearly for who He truly is and what He has done on my behalf, and that seeing that, I would be compelled to a truer and purer and deeper love for Him. 

The thirst for His Word and increased knowledge of His character also has me reading books by the puritans and reformers again. I bought a few used books on Amazon to start my reading list and am confident that they, also, will help me draw near to Christ as they draw on the Scriptures and aid in allowing me to see the incredible riches found therein. I am going to start a personal study again, too! I will be studying through the book of Hebrews, which may just be my favorite book of the Bible. I know, as a reformed believer it should be Romans because, well, duh, but I LOVE Hebrews. Hopefully I'll update here with what I'm reading and learning as a way to hash out my thoughts, encourage any readers, and look back on in the future. I'm already reminded how terrible it is to go without updates as I struggle to keep this post from becoming a novel. On that note, I think I'll end it here. I already have a few posts planned that will expand more upon the changes I've been making since being here, the DIY projects I have planned as I decorate my little space, the gorgeousness of Colorado, and also on the church I have been so blessed to have found and attend!

I am full of thanksgiving and abounding in hope. It's a good place to be at, I think. By God's grace it will continue.

Until next time.

-K

(and of course a few pictures of what life looks like in CO so far)