This Heart.

I do believe that God has graciously placed me in the best arrangement of relatives in all the land--especially in regards to my immediate family. It has been such a blessing to watch how our family dynamic has changed and shifted as we have each aged, and I can whole-heartedly and emphatically say that my brothers and sisters are now my best friends. I couldn't replace or recreate the bond I have with a single one of them and often, when thinking of and missing my family, my heart feels as though it is tremendously incapable of holding all of the love I have for them in it. I could write and cry, and write and cry, and write and cry about all the memories and emotions that surface when I think of them, but I'll spare anyone reading this. 

Moving to Colorado--over 1,000 miles away from home--has really opened my eyes to the reality and weight of this blessedness. Though moving away has been extremely beneficial for personal growth, not a single day goes by that I don't miss being with my people. I have a constant tug on my heart in the direction of south Chicago. It is true that home isn't a place, but a feeling. Home, for me, is wherever the people I love most are. I find home in Illinois where the majority of my family lives; I find home in Indiana where my brother, his wife, and their daughter reside; I find home in Arizona where a bond that is stronger than blood connects me with an amazing little family and church in Phoenix; and I find home here, in Colorado, with a church family that has welcomed, accepted, and cared for me far more than I ever could have expected. I am constantly humbled to the point of tears over all the Lord has given me. He truly has done all things well. Someone text me and remind me daily to thank the Lord for the precious gift that is my family--that is home. 

I was able to visit for the first time again back in October, but a weekend is hardly enough time to accomplish even the smallest bit of what I had dreamt up; yet it meant more to me than anything in all the world. It didn't matter what we did, all that mattered was that we were together again. Everything felt like it was in it's proper place. That all was well and exactly as it should be. Although I know that the Lord has called me here for the time being, I pray that He would reunite all of us together again. That I would feel the warmth and sweetness and great blessedness that their fellowship brought me on a daily basis again. 

And so, here is a little video that Ky and I put together with some of the clips we grabbed the first night of that trip. Sitting there with those people--laughing together, eating and drinking together, and telling stories to each other--was exactly what my soul needed and what eventually caused my heart to burst at the seems. This little ol' heart just can't seem to function quite right when I'm with them. 

This video is a very small portion of my heart and the people that permanently reside in it.